This is a narrative essay that i got an 18/30 on. Here are t
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This is a narrative essay that i got an 18/30 on. Here are the comments my teacher left me: Pay attention to grammar. You have minor mistakes sprinkled throughout this essay, on most lines.The introduction is interesting but needs a focus. I understand that you wanted to leave high school and get your GED but you don’t provide convincing reasons for doing so. The reasons don’t sound particularly valid, and there doesn’t seem to be a plan on what to do once you’ve left high school.Overall, the grammar is really substandard and not acceptable. If you want to pass this class, you will need to ensure that all of your essays are in standard English. Please revise. I need the grammar and fluidity to be better. I want my arguments to be stronger. You don’t need to rewrite it just add onto what i have and change what i already have written. My teacher is an extremely hard grader so please give it all you got, thanks!.Here is the outline for the essay in case you need it: What are you going to write about? Well, you have a choice about which story — a real story from your life — you would like to share. You can either write about: One particular story from your life that portrays a significant moment when you realized something, discovered something, or changed as a person. Ideally, this would represent a moment, less than twenty-four hours.A progressive biography, again the real story from your life. Tell about your life from earliest memory and how you arrived at the present time and place. You will certainly highlight some portions of your life more than others, but your goal is to show what led up to your being here, today, in your particular situation.The narrative essay must demonstrate your ability to tell a story that has these features:Has a sense of time and place (setting)Has relatable, identifiable charactersFocuses on actions (events) and showsa crisis or crises, a climax (turning point), and a resolutionIs highly descriptive in natureIncludes dialogueIs clearly organized and easy to followMay be narrated in either first or third person perspectiveHas importance and significance, and connects to the readerFor this particular assignment, you do not need a Works Cited page since you are telling your own story. Some particulars for this assignment:It should be formatted in MLA styleLength: 5-7+ pagesOutline submitted, as a separate assignmentSubmitted via CanvasGood luck. I’m sure you’ll do a great job!RubricMC Narrative Essay RubricMC Narrative Essay RubricCriteriaRatingsPtsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeThesisclear, specific, original, significant, insightful.5.0 ptsclear and purposeful.4.0 ptscontrolling idea may be overly general or not closely linked to content of essay.3.0 ptsunclear or vague, poorly linked to content of essay.2.0 ptslacks a thesis or controlling idea; does not address assigned topic.1.0 pts5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeOrganizationlogical, creative organization growing naturally from thesis and content; paragraphs linked to thesis and to each other using fluid transitions; strong introduction and conclusion.5.0 ptslogical organization; well-developed introduction and conclusion; paragraphs linked to thesis and to each other using effective transitions.4.0 ptssome evidence of organization or rhetorical framework; clear beginning, middle, and end.3.0 ptspoorly structured or disordered.2.0 ptslacks organizing principle; lacks clear beginning, middle, and end;. lacks clear paragraphing.1.0 pts5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeDevelopmentparagraphs thoroughly developed and linked by unobtrusive, organic transitions; graceful use of varied rhetorical strategies as necessary (narration, cause & effect, process, etc.); rich variety of convincing reasons, explanations, examples, illustrations; concrete, powerful details.5.0 ptsrhetorical strategies used as necessary (narration, cause & effect, process, etc.); coherent paragraphs, fully developed with supporting reasons, explanations, examples, illustrations; generalizations supported with relevant, specific details.4.0 ptsuses paragraphs and topic sentences; gives supporting reasons and examples, but may not be logically reasoned or fully developed.3.0 ptsunderdeveloped; paragraphs overly long or short, arbitrarily or illogically ordered, incoherent or not unified; lack of support for ideas; lack of concrete detail; irrelevancies, redundancies, oversimplifications, filler. May not meet length requirement.2.0 ptsseverely underdeveloped; seriously and consistently illogical and/or predicated on false premises; absence of concrete detail.1.0 pts5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeLanguagegrace and economy of expression; conscious choice of language; vivid, precise, original word choice. TONE/VOICE: authoritative, genuine authorial voice; awareness of audience.5.0 ptsconcise sentences; accurate and effective word choice. TONE/VOICE: Engaging authorial voice; some awareness of audience.4.0 ptsclear writing, mostly accurate word choice. TONE/VOICE: inconsistent authorial voice, basic awareness of audience.3.0 ptsunclear or incoherent writing. TONE/VOICE: little awareness of audience.2.0 ptsobscure, vague writing; inaccurate word choice. TONE/VOICE: little or no awareness of audience.1.0 pts5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeSentencesrich variety and complexity of sentence structure; free of basic errors such as fragments, run-ons, subject/verb agreement.5.0 ptssome variety and complexity of sentence structure; mostly free of basic errors such as fragments, run-ons, subject/verb agreement.4.0 ptscomplete, mostly correct sentences; may contain occasional grammatical or syntactical errors.3.0 ptswordy, confusing, or incomplete sentences; frequent grammatical or syntactical errors.2.0 ptsnumerous grammatical or syntactical errors.1.0 pts5.0 ptsThis criterion is linked to a Learning OutcomeGrammatical conventionsmastery of conventions of edited standard English.5.0 ptsobserves conventions of standard written English.4.0 ptsfree of distracting errors of spelling and punctuation.3.0 ptsdistracting mechanical errors.2.0 ptsnumerous distracting mechanical errors.1.0 pts5.0 ptsTotal Points: 30.0
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